


Confession

by aiwritingfic



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Gen, Humor, Humorous Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-07
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 17:50:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1753479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aiwritingfic/pseuds/aiwritingfic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Moriyama bugs Kasamatsu to practice confessions with him.  Somehow, things get out of hand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Confession

**Author's Note:**

> When weiquan1 prompted me with "Kasamatsu" and "confession", I wanted to try and get out of the box and do humor as well as avoid KiKasa (because come on, I write KiKasa ALL THE TIME, I need something new), but Kasamatsu and a girl would be a complete non-starter, so... I AM SO SORRY FOR THIS ONE. *sheepish*

There was no basketball practice today.  Kasamatsu packed his bag slowly; normally Kasamatsu’s phone would buzz not long after the last bell with messages from Kise suggesting things to do or places to go or this one café Kise wanted to check out, but Kise was hurrying to a photo shoot today, and so Kasamatsu took his time, knowing no one would be waiting for him.  

When he'd finished packing his bag, Kasamatsu looked up and realized that Moriyama had hung back instead of leaving with the rest of the class.  He groaned.  “Oh no, not again.”

"How about this one?" Moriyama said, brightening.  "Listen: ‘I haven't been able to eat or sleep since I saw your transcendental beauty.  Please, just tell me your name.’  There, that should do it!  Their hearts will be all a-flutter.  I hope they don’t stammer too much when responding, so I can actually hear their names."

"Stop asking me my opinion of these stupid lines," Kasamatsu growled.  "Go talk to Kise or something.  Kobori, maybe.  Someone who's actually  _good_  with the girls.  Just, for heaven's sake,  _leave me alone_.  I don’t want to hear another one."

"Now now, don't be like that.  Asking Kise's useless; his ideas work for him because he's Kise, but they don't work for me," Moriyama said patiently.  

"Kobori's popular," Kasamatsu said, mentally apologizing to Kobori for throwing him under the bus, but if Moriyama spouted any more of these inane lines at Kasamatsu, Kasamatsu might just do some major harm to Moriyama, and then Kaijou might need to rely on Nakamura in the next match.  As much as Nakamura tried hard, his three-pointers just didn’t have as high an accuracy rate.  "Go ask Kobori for advice.  The guy has good advice on how to talk to girls, I'm sure!  They’re always making bento for him and asking him out."

Moriyama gave Kasamatsu a pitying look.  "But Kasamatsu, Kobori's advice is as plain as he is.  I like the guy, don't get me wrong, but Kobori's way with girls just wouldn't work for me."

"If it works, why quibble with it?"  Kasamatsu strode quickly past Moriyama. 

Moriyama kept pace easily.  “Really, Kasamatsu, you have to develop your own style.  It’s as true for picking up girls as it is for basketball.”

“Fine, go develop your own style,” Kasamatsu said.  “You didn’t need my help doing that when it came to basketball!  There’s nothing I can do for you!”

“Please, Kasamatsu,” Moriyama said.  “At this rate I’m going to graduate high school without ever having a girlfriend!  How pitiful, for a guy who looks like me!”

“And this is supposed to persuade me how?” Kasamatsu gave Moriyama a pointed look.  “I don’t have a girlfriend either.  Just think of high school as practice for university and the real world.  We’re students.  Our first responsibility is to study.  And do our best at basketball, of course, but damn it, Moriyama—“

“ _Practice!_ ”  Moriyama interrupted, looking as if he’d been struck by thunder.  “Of course!”

Kasamatsu paused and peered at Moriyama.  “I appreciate your enthusiasm, but it’s a rest day.”

“Huh?”  Moriyama looked at Kasamatsu, and then shook his head.  “No, no, not basketball.  Confession practice!”

Oh crap.  Kasamatsu quickened his pace.  He could spot what was coming a mile away, and he wanted to be well out of range before Moriyama opened his mouth.  “Go find Kobori.  If not Kobori, I’m sure Hayakawa is still on the grounds somewhere,” he said. 

“Kasamatsu, you have to help me!”

“No, I don’t.”

“ _Please_ , Captain,” Moriyama said, grabbing Kasamatsu’s sleeve.  “I can trust you to take this seriously and treat it with the appropriate gravity!”

“You have _got_ to be kidding me,” Kasamatsu said.  “Let go.”

“Not until you help me,” Moriyama said.

* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Ten minutes later, Kasamatsu had had quite enough.  “Fine, but only this one time.  And you are running twenty extra laps tomorrow.”

“Thank you,” Moriyama said.

Moriyama hadn’t even complained about the laps.  Kasamatsu sighed.  If it mattered _this_ much to Moriyama, he might as well just go along with it.  He’d done worse, all things considered, like that time the entire team tried to pick girls up near the train station.  Compared to that, this really wasn’t as bad as it could have been.  Kasamatsu just had to try and ignore the ridiculousness, and it would all be over soon.

To his credit, Moriyama guided them to a relatively secluded part of the local park.  “Here, we should have some privacy here,” he said. 

Kasamatsu nodded, and they dropped their bags on a nearby bench.  Kasamatsu sat in the middle and crossed his arms.  “Well, go on.”

“I can’t do this with you just sitting there,” Moriyama said, a pained look on his face.  “That just isn’t realistic.”

“Realistic my ass,” Kasamatsu retorted.  “If you want realism, go confess to a real girl, not me.”  Kasamatsu half-rose from the bench as if to leave.

“Okay, okay,” Moriyama said, making an entreating gesture as he moved to block Kasamatsu’s patch.  “I can pretend.”

Kasamatsu sat back down and crossed his arms, and then looked expectantly up at Moriyama, who still looked pained.  “Any time you’re ready.”

Moriyama sighed.  “This would go so much better if you were prettier,” he said under his breath. 

Kasamatsu pretended he hadn’t heard, since it looked like this was actually something Moriyama really needed. 

Moriyama dropped to one bended knee and raised both arms towards Kasamatsu.  “Oh, Mina-chan,” he said.  “Your eyes sparkle like the stars.  Your lips shine with the luster of fresh red rubies.  Your hair is soft as the softest silk.  Please do me the honor of being my girlfriend.”

Kasamatsu made a face.  “No one is going to say yes to that,” he said.

Moriyama looked surprised.  “But the websites all say to compliment her, and earnestly!”

“You really don’t know anything about girls,” Kasamatsu said, shaking his head.

“You’re one to talk,” Moriyama said.  “You can’t even talk to girls.”

“But at least I can think of better lines,” Kasamatsu retorted.

“Oh?” Moriyama raised an eyebrow, getting up and brushing off his knee.  He gestured to an imaginary podium.  “Educate me, oh Captain.  I’m all ears.”

Kasamatsu sighed and just patted the spot next to him on the bench.  “Maybe the girls like that sort of flowery thing, but you know, we play basketball and most of the time we’re sweaty and smelly,” he said.  “A girl who can’t look past the surface probably won’t stay too long, even with your looks.  Even Kise’s fangirls wait until he’s out of the shower.”

Moriyama sat, expression clearly waiting for Kasamatsu to continue.

“Just… stop trying so hard,” Kasamatsu said.  “It’s great when you’re defending with all your heart, but you’ve been chasing after every single girl you see with full enthusiasm all through high school, and clearly it doesn’t work as well as whatever websites you’re reading tell you it will, so maybe it’s time to change tactics.”

“I’ve tried every one I know,” Moriyama said with a sigh.  “I’ve helped them with homework, I’ve cooked, I’ve dressed up, dressed down, tried gap moe tactics, helpful tactics, complimented them…”

Kasamatsu waved his hand to cut Moriyama off.  “Just be you, Moriyama,” he said.  “Though I guess those flowery words are part of you… but don’t turn them on full blast at the girls.”

“I don’t understand,” Moriyama said, brow furrowed.

“I’m no good at this,” Kasamatsu said, frustrated.  “I can’t even talk to a girl without tripping over my own tongue and making a spectacle of myself.  Remember the older Sasahara sister, Hitomi-san?”

“She asked you out,” Moriyama said.  “And we said yes before you could choke.”

“Yes, well, if I wasn’t so…” Kasamatsu trailed off in frustration.  “You know.”

Moriyama nodded encouragingly.

“I would have told her I noticed her at every match we’ve played,” Kasamatsu said.  “That I saw her reading basketball manuals and watching practice and actually saying intelligent things about basketball.  That she’s actually really cute and I don’t ever mistake her for her sister.  You know.  Things like that.  Not generic things like how red her lips are, or how soft her hair is.  Specific things.”

Moriyama looked like he was on the verge of enlightenment.  He leaned forward on the edge of the bench.  “Please, demonstrate, Captain,” he said, gesturing forward.  “Pretend I’m Sasahara-san.”

“Wait, why am _I_ doing this?  This is for _you_ ,” Kasamatsu said, exasperated.

“Because I can’t visualize it and it would help me out immensely!” Moriyama said.  “And because, Captain, you’re the most supportive captain ever when it comes to these sorts of things.  I’m not a kouhai or anything, but I’m still your teammate!”

Kasamatsu rolled his eyes.  “Thirty laps tomorrow.”

“I’ll do them,” Moriyama said. 

Kasamatsu raised an eyebrow at Moriyama.  “You really want me to.”

“ _Yes,_ ” Moriyama said urgently. 

Sighing heavily, Kasamatsu stood up.  He stood facing a little away from Moriyama, staring off into the trees behind Moriyama’s shoulder.  This was as much as he was going to do.  If Moriyama asked Kasamatsu to get on bended knee, he had another ten laps coming.  “Sasahara-san,” he began. 

Moriyama nodded encouragingly.

Kasamatsu sighed and took a deep breath, then continued.  “I notice you at basketball practice a lot.  Thank you for always supporting Kaijou’s basketball team.  I’ve also noticed you working really hard at understanding basketball lately.  I haven’t told you this before, but I really admire your persistence and your interest.  I’m really flattered… maybe we could go out some time.”

“Senpai?”

Kasamatsu whirled to see Kise behind him.  Kise was wearing some outfit that Kasamatsu couldn’t describe but that definitely looked like it belonged on the pages of a fashion magazine.  Behind Kise trailed a photographer and some other staff members, some of them lugging equipment, others carrying bags, one even pushing a cart piled with various clothing accessories. 

Kise had a shocked look on his face.  “Senpai… Kasamatsu-senpai… and Moriyama-senpai?”

“Ah, Kise,” Moriyama said, waving at Kise nonchalantly.  “This is kind of a private moment, do you mind?”

“Oh!”  Kise looked as if he’d suddenly had an epiphany.  “Oh, so sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt you two in an intimate moment!  Please pretend I was never here, I need to rejoin my photo shoot anyway!”  He winked at Kasamatsu and Moriyama, and then skipped off towards the rest of his entourage, who’d now gotten ahead of him.

“It’s—Kise, no, this isn’t—“

“He’s out of earshot now,” Moriyama said.  “Go on, what were you saying?”

Kasamatsu glared at Moriyama.  “Go to _hell_ ,” he said, grabbing his bag and stalking towards the train station before Moriyama could stop him.  He was going to go home and forget this all happened, or he was going to kill Moriyama, and he wasn’t quite sure which one would come first.

His phone vibrated.  Kasamatsu pulled it out to see an e-mail from Kobori.  “Kise told me the news,” it read.  “Congratulations?  Moriyama’s not what I’d figured you for, though… I thought your type was a little less… obsessive.”

Kasamatsu blinked at his phone.   What on earth was Kobori going on about?

His phone vibrated again, this time a message from Hayakawa.  “Captain, congratulations!  You go, tiger!”

Before Kasamatsu could even begin to wrap his head around Hayakawa’s message, his phone buzzed again.  Kise had sent an e-mail too.  “Senpai, I am so sorry about barging in on your confession to Moriyama-senpai!  I’m sure it went well!  Good luck, it’s tough being gay in this day and age, but we’ll all support you!”

On second thoughts, instead of killing Moriyama tomorrow, Kasamatsu would start by murdering Kise.


End file.
